I am drowning.

Sometimes I wanna give up on life. There is something happening that I could not explain. Life has become a routine. A routine that is like spinning around a pole, not moving forward, not even going up.



Life is so vague that even the most intelligent people would not get life defined correctly.



Why? I think I am drowning.

Uuuy!

I am crushing on this guy from one of our vendors. He came today to replace one hard disk. Now, I can't stop smiling. He just made my day.


If the DHL guy came 4 minutes earlier, I could have walked with him out to the security gate to receive the package. ~sigh~


Why is he such a beautiful man?!

I melted.

Avoid!

Avoid negative people at all costs. If they do not want to help themselves, there's nothing that you can do to them.

Human

I found out that I am grumpy in the morning...and I have my moods too. Just a human being...expect imperfections.

Hisashiburi desu ne

Hisashiburi desu ne! O genki desu ka? Watashi wa genki desu.

Well, it's been a while.

I was too busy for the last three weeks. Fall semester started two weeks ago and it' Ramadan. Sure! Isogashikatta desu. I was so busy!

Let's summarize what happen in my life.

• I've been learning Japanese. This afternoon, it's our 4th Friday having Japanese conversational lessons. It's so fun to learn a new language. I'm always looking forward to Fridays now.
• Friday lunch. Like I said, I look forward to Fridays now not only because of Japanese lessons but the lunch before the lesson proper. We cook and eat lunch together. We serve different dishes. This afternoon we had Bhutanese food. I don't know what you call it but it was SO good.
• I get the chance to eat rice. It's been a month now that I'm not eating rice on weekdays. I only eat rice on Thursday night until Saturday lunch. It's so hard at first especially when your a rice slave but when you survive the first week without rice, it will be easier for the next days. You will no longer crave for it. Losing weight requires a lot of discipline.
• Busy, busy, busy! A lot of things come and happen in ITS office. I have to be oriented and updated in all of these. It requires a lot of physical energy, intellectual memory, life's wisdom, faith in God and a bunch of patience. No task should be forgotten and all words should be noted correctly and verbatimly if possible.
• I think I'm becoming anti-social. Just imagine yourself talking to more or less 50 different people personally and over the phone every single day. When you go out your office, even if you go to the toilet, you will see same people you spoke to inside your office. You.ll get tired talking to them saying the same things every hour or less. When I go out of our building to eat or to go home, I just don't want to talk to people when I pass by them. Don't wanna stop and mingle. Sometimes, I wanna despise them but I can't. :)
• I have a huge crush with "The IT man". He isn't from our company but he works for one of our vendors. They provide support and service to some our computers. I like the feeling. It makes me feel young.

For now, that's all! Surly, there's more to write. I just gave the highlights.

Now need to sleep. Good night! :)

w-a-s-t-e-d!

i.am.s.o.D.R.A.I.N.E.D.

oh yeah!

I may not have the power to convince, but surely I have the charms to persuade.

Stuck in a moment

"You've got to get yourself together

You've got stuck in a moment

And now you can't get out of it"

- U2

Another TOL moment

Last night, I got very upset and started talking about life's complication. Thought a lot of things this boils down to the following:

• Everyone is always given a chance. Chances are always there but it is always your choice to blow it off or not.
• In life, it is always pass or fail, yes or no, true or false, up and down, good and bad. It is just up to you where to stand.
• Things fall out to where they are because of the choices you made before it happened.
• Your decision-making ability decides how your life will turn into.
• You may be great on certain things but how great are you in using these things to move forward?
• If you cannot commit yourself to others, how do you expect someone to commit to you.
• How to be successful in life does not all the time depend on books that successful writers write. All of us want to be successful but we are all different from each other. You have different style, different attitude and character. what works for them does not mean will work for you and vice versa.
• No man is an island but it does not mean you have to depend on people every single time in every single way and chance you got.
• I believe in Oprah when she said that, "Relationship is composed of two WHOLE individual," because if you are not a complete or whole person by yourself or on your own, who are you then? and what can you do for the relationship?
• It is surely true that it takes two to tango but you should have your own individuality when it is your time to dance alone.
• The world rotates on its axis as it revolves around the sun which isn’t moving. So, don’t be the self-centered Sun because the Earth has its motion and it won’t stop for you, at least, philosophically.
• Life is fair if you know how to live it well. Can someone tell me how to live well? or perhaps, define 'well' please!

Ok 12 points taken. These were my Thinking Out Loud (TOL) realization. Whew! What kind of life do I have?! Who Am I now? All I can say is that I have changed. One day, I woke up and I am not the same person I knew I was.

* These were my own words, opinion and ideas. Feel free to share if you think it appeals or applies to you. Just do not forget to acknowledge the blog owner. *wink*

18 Aug 2009

It's Robsten!

Oh yeah! A lot of Robsten followers are probably celebrating right now because of the photos of Robert and Kristen that were just posted all over the internet. I don't need to enumerate the sites one by one because if you love Robsten, you know exactly where to find them. Ok...you gotta follow them if you do not want to be left behind on Robsten news @KStew411, @robstenlovers, @RobPattzNews and of course Ted @theawfultruth . These are just few guys to follow. There are a lot more like Radar, JustJared, Socialitelife, etc.

Ok so I was saying...photos are out! Robsten with the rest of the Twilight Saga: Eclipse cast watched Kings of Leon's concert in Vancouver. The photos are just so great because Robsten were seated shoulders to shoulders, knee to knee. They are totally enjoying the concert and needless to say each other's company. You gotta check it now! I suggest you try to check out the links above as they have different photos to share.

There's these photos where Robsten were like kissing each other or are they actually kissing each other? I know! They may be kissing or not but that's enough for me see them being themselves together enjoying the music they both love.

Sometimes, I feel bad that people take photos of their own private and personal life. I am sometimes feeling guilty of actually patronizing these photos and stories. As I fan, I definitely enjoy it. But considering Robsten's feeling on privacy issues, I bet they're not very happy about it. They can't be themselves anymore when the entire world (literally who does not know them by now?) is watching every move they make. They are human beings too who happen to have a job as actors. If I were on their shoes, I wouldn't want the same attention.

But it's too late! I am one of these people who can't sleep at night without getting any Robsten update. Actually, as I wrote in my previous post, I love these two beyond being Bella and Edward. I have read and heard so much about them. These may be all be true or not, but still! I also watch their interviews. Through those interviews, the way they answer the questions and how they react to it, you'll see what kind of person they are. They are amazing as Robert and Kristen alone.

Now, if only they will confirm that they are together, like saying it from their own lips, I probably stop... OK! gradually stop, little by little. Like pulling out the drug out of your system through rehabilitation (ok? did I just say that? LOL! I don't believe I said those words.) At least as fan, that is the best thing I can do for them. Be happy to whatever they decide to do or say. Just admit you're together Robsten so I can stop! I have to admit this hide and seek Robsten game is fun though.

That's it! That's what I feel saying right now. Robsten rules but let us not forget that they have their personal lives to live too. So please, Rob and Kristen, just admit and confirm that you are together and probably a few people will stop or be a little passive on this. You are right now the most sought-after couple in the world. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Life is crazy for an expat.

I miss my family especially my dad and mom. I cried and now I think I'm about to,again.

Sometimes, I ask myself, "Why am I here?"

Being an expat is not very easy. The places abroad, wherever in the world, we go to work promises brighter future, greener pastures. As an expat, I was blinded by its offer of a better life. How can you be better in a place where you are not familiar with? has a different culture from what you have? different life style you used to live back home? with peculiar people you don't completely understand? away from your loved ones? I was too late to know.

Surely, working in a different place also gives advantages, in all fairness. I was able to learn a lot of things here like different cultures and traditions. Dubai is a very diverse place. I was able to improve my comm skills. I can even talk with different accents, depending who I'm talking with, of course. This ia a place of amazing and ridiculous people. Now, I can buy things that I couldn't buy before. I am surely earning 3-4 times of what I can earn in my home country. But at the end of day, what is it to me?

Yes, my family is my inspiration. But why am I not with them? Isn't it nice, that after a long tiring day at work, you will see the smiling faces of your mom, dad and siblings and ask you how was your day? Eating with your family and friends, regardless of what is served, is such a great stress reliever rather than eating bountifully alone. Well, I don't eat alone. I am here with my sister and we feel the same about this. We are both here, working, still keeping the faith that this will give our family a better life. Money is all behind this.

It is so sad that money has become THE basic need. How can you buy food, clothing and shelter without it? Most of us would like to be a millionaire when being one we can buy everything we WANT only to find out later that money isn't everything. Money isn't really what we NEED. We are working extremely hard to earn a lot. After earning a lot of money, you lose it somewhere.

Will someone understand how I feel right now? Well, this is becoming worse. I have to stop. I just miss my family and friends and now I realized all these. How bad it is to have this feeling of longingness in a place where you still convince yourself that has a sense of belongingness? The nostalgia I am feeling right this moment, I couldn't express it better.

It could be my choice to go home, but what means do I have now? Life could be too complicated in its simple ways.

All for the love of Robsten

I just posted yesterday about this social portals thingy, right?! Today, I'm suffering from one of its disadvantages - severe headache due to lack of sleep!

Last night, I couldn't get enough of Robsten as they were caught together at Bobbly Long's concert in L.A. for 2 consecutive nights. I've been waiting for all the blow by blow tweets from Robsten Fansites that I am following. I was so crazy that I have my page refreshed every minute just to get the updates. I badly wanted to see the photos and videos. I slept around 3am with waking up and dreaming of Robsten every hour. Finally, woke up at 6AM to prepare for work.

Call me crazy addict, the hell I care! There is something about this couple that drives me insane in their world of surreality. At first, I thought it was just because they portrayed Bella and Edward in Twilight. Their characters in the movie were too strong. Being the hopeless-romantic me who believes that love happens against all odds, I was deeply moved by the story (Thank you, Stephenie Meyer for writing the Saga. I read all the books and watched the movie for the countless times). It, undoubtedly, captured my heart (in vampire world, probably my soul too). But then, I became interested on Robert and Kristen. I wanted to go beyond the Edward and Bella stuff. I want to know how much they are alike with Bella and Edward. It was great to know that they are two amazing individual who do not put fame on their heads. I have come to know a lot about them through the internet and mags. I don't know how credible the articles are, but as a fan, you just gotta believe especially when you are living out of U.S., where you're only resources are these mags and news from the internet.

I'm always a fan of this and that, of him and her but not until I watched Twilight that I became this so enthusiastic. It has become my addiction now. As all addiction, there will be time for withdrawal. I don't know when this Twilight Saga craze will end. Maybe after the showing of all the Twilight Saga films, or if a new handsome guy comes along or if there is a new hot love team to watch out for. We don't know for sure. But if this happen, even though I wouldn't be as fanatic as I am now, I will always be their fan. Not only a fan of Robsten but as well as, Robert and Kristen individually.

Whew! I was only to blog about the headache and the reason of having it. Now, I think it gone out of context...hahaha! I feel better now. I was working (as in literally assisting students and doing reports) while writing this blog plus the headache. Headache is a bit gone but still superlatively sleepy!

Well, I have shared enough of my Robsten addiction and a bit of my doings at this very moment. I'm signing out! :D

New ways to socialize...

Ok...so here I am again...my little online comfort zone as I call it.

So what now?

Sometimes, I was thinking why people sign up for all this social portals. As for me, I have Facebook, Twitter, Multiply, Friendster, Myspace and this. Although these social portals have their different interface, I believe that they still have the same purposes, for me, at least; to get in touch with my family and friends and to be able to express myself better to different networks from around the world. Now, I couldn't get enough updates on Twilight Saga stuff especially Robsten. Oh yeah! I know...now I understand why people are so into these online apps.

These portals have become the fad for people to search for friends, lovers (in a very wide range I might say), gossips, news, and some interesting information on whatever. For whatever reason, I know that there is such a fulfillment in doing all this. There must be something about these networks that gives a bit of happiness to people. It takes stress and tiredness away. Oh c'mon! you gotta agree with me on this one.

Okay, let me count the ways.

Playing Farm Town in Facebook is so therapeutic. It gives me hope to dream of having my own farm and visualize it through this game. Friendster, Myspace and Facebook get me connected with my friends and family back home. I share photos of my recent life adventures in Multiply. When I do not get updates about Robsten, my day isn't complete. It is my daily dose of vitamins. If I don't tweet, it suffocates me 'coz through Twitter I tell people how I feel that very moment through my tweets. I get to meet a lot of people through these portals. It widens my horizons and I have learned and so much more to learn from these.

So why am I saying this? It is because I am so thankful that these social portals and networks were developed. The guys who made these are genius!

Kudos! Just loving my networks and portals! I can freely express myself.

These are the new ways to socialize.

This is how I live...

I am living in the complexities of right and wrong, good and bad, love and hate, ups and down, true and false, yes and no, past, present and future. Maybe, a life less complicated if I truly know how the heck the world works!

Life is fair if you live it well...

And who knows how to live life well? Define 'well'.


06 Aug 2009

Thinking Out Loud....

I want to go sabbatical to think clearly what is missing in my life. Yes, something is missing. Not because you can do whatever you want and get whatever you need makes your life complete.

I want to note of what I have accomplished and have not yet done in life. I want to weigh things, set my priorities according to what I can't live and live without, identify distinctly what is important right now and in the next coming years. Keep what is needed and let go of what has to go. I want to deplore for awhile for the things that could have happen or could have done. I know there's nothing I can do with it anymore but sometimes crying over something you've lost is healthy for your emotions. Especially when you have been suppressing it to display a strong facade. I want to move on with world's notion. Move forward and unfold what God has stored for me. I know that His plans for me has been set and now it is up to me to face it.

Change is constant. It will happen when it has to happen. It's never too late to change. Going with the flow of the waves does not work all the time. You sometimes need to swim to move on and not just float and later on realize that you are stuck in the middle, numbing.

03 Aug 2009